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You got no fear of the underdog...That's why you will not survive: 10.19.10

Don't you just love the dates this October? They're so nice and symmetrical. Maybe that's just me. Little else this month has been so easily satisfactory.

Oh, things have been fine, but I've had to engage in some serious mental leaps to make sure they really seem so. It's made me muse on how much stress my weak little self is actually designed to take. Naturally, I recognize it's much more than I'm currently under. But still.

I like the whole concept of dead load/live load stress at times like these. It's an architectural term that's just way too colorful not to spin out into fun metaphors. Your dead load of stress refers to the typical force or pressure exerted onto an object by constant conditions. It's like if you hung a big chandelier in your bedroom (something I wish I had the wherewithall to do lately). That load becomes incorporated into your ceiling's dead load. But, if you were to start swinging on that chandelier, the ceiling then has an additional, unanticipated force with which to contend. You become the ceiling's live load.

My live load of stress has been kind of intense lately. Although it's mostly been of my making. And some things that I thought were just passing live load pressures seem to have been rolled over into the permanent dead zone...which is just weird. You need to check yourself on that little trick...because sometimes that extra stress you've just internalized is as zany as swinging interminably from your bedroom chandelier. But yeah. It's been a little iffy here and there.

So, I didn't get the job (either of them), I haven't made ends meet too well lately, so I couldn't take that trip, and where you may have thought that other thing was leading actually went nowhere, and now I'm not sure how this is fitting in to the bigger plan at the moment. Because what is that looking like these days anyway? But I'm just singing the live load blues. It'll all pass by.

reflect - reinvent ....rayclaire@gmail.com... what i used to think... what i hear... what i see... where i'd like to be...

the black apple... the girl who... sarah brown... thunderpie... evany... jenny b harris... posie... claude le monde... artsy... fartsy... jeff... random person in texas... another rachel... smitten kitchen... more of me... still more of me... even more of me...and yet still more of me...more of me but not for free...

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