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2.14.11: How Smart Phones Would Have Ruined Five Great Literary Romances

Happy VD from Baltamore'. In honor of this day of saintly martyrdom and massacre:

1. Gone With the Wind

fiddledeedee@tara.com to rbutler@blockaderunner.com, May 18, 1865, 2:48 p.m.
I have just shot a filthy Yankee dead at Tara!

rbutler@blockaderunner.com to fiddledeedee@tara.com, May 18, 1865, 3:03 p.m.
Sounds like bad times for such a pretty little lady. FWIW I may be able to help. Look me up when you are in Atlanta.

fiddledeedee@tara.com to rbutler@blockaderunner.com, May 18, 1865, 3:05 p.m.
BTW, have you heard from Ashley???

fiddledeedee@tara.com to rbutler@blockaderunner.com, January 12, 1866, 10:32 p.m.
I am planning a little trip to Atlanta soon--join me for libations and laughs?

fiddledeedee@tara.com to rbutler@blockaderunner.com, January 14, 1866, 11:13 p.m.
Will you be in town next Tuesday? I may try to fit you in between my afternoon calls if I can find the time.

fiddledeedee@tara.com to rbutler@blockaderunner.com, January 15, 1866, 12:10 p.m.
As God is my witness, Iíll never contact you again, Rhett Butler, if you donít respond!

rbutler@atlantajail.us.gov to fiddledeedee@tara.com, January 21, 1866, 9:16 p.m.
Scarlett, it would be great to see you! Did you hear I'm incarcerated? Inconvenient, but I should be getting bailed out of here soon. (The Yankees are complicating my finances at present.) I'm sure we can find some way to entertain ourselves here, my dear ;) Wear something green to set off your eyes.

fiddledeedee@tara.com to rbutler@atlantajail.us.gov, January 21, 1866, 10:23 p.m.
Never mind. TTYLÖmaybe.

2. Romeo and Juliet

friarjohn@abbey.org to romeo@montaguenobles.org, August 8, 1597 12:33 p.m.
Juliet wilst drink of an elixir that shall borrow sleep from death for two and forty hours. Thou shalt come hither to the Capuletís vault and when she awakens with roses restored to her lips and cheek, you shall bear thy lady hence to Mantua.

systemadministrator@motaguenobles.org to friarjohn@abbey.org, August 8, 1597 12:34 p.m.
Your message was not received. The recipientís inbox is full.

friarjohn@abbey.org to friarlaurence@abbey.org, August 8, 1597 12:36 p.m.
Friar, stay thy plot! Halt thy plan with Juliet!

3. A Street Car Named Desire*

Text Message from 504-738-9925 to 504-837-1409, July 26, 1948 1:15 a.m.

Text Message from 504-738-9925 to 504-837-1409, July 26, 1948 1:16 a.m.

royalflush@autopartsupply.com to sdubois@gmail.com, July 26, 1948 1:18 a.m.

Stanley Kowalski Facebook Status Update, July 26,1948, 1 minute ago

*Authorís note: This romance was really dysfunctional and already ruined.

4. Tess of the DíUbervilles

tessdurbeyfield@talbothaysdairy.com to angelclare@talbothaysdairy.com, December 24, 1891 3:24 a.m.
I cannot bear the thought oí your not knowing everything before I become your wife on New Yearís day. I have had some Bygone Trouble in the past for which I pray you can forgive me now. I had to tell Ďee so that we might begin our life with all confessions told. O, in the name of our love, forgive me!

tessdurbeyfield@talbothaysdairy.com to angelclare@talbothaysdairy.com, December 24, 1891 3:37 a.m.
Angel? Am I too wicked now for you to marry? FWIW, Iíd forgive you if you had something to confess.

angelclare@talbothaysdairy.com to tessdurbeyfield@talothaysdairy.com, December 25, 1891 10:23 a.m.
Thnx for letting me know. Youíre not who I thought you to be. This disgusts me.

tessdurbeyfield@talbothaysdairy.com to angelclare@talbothaysdairy.com, December 25, 1891 10:41 a.m.
O, Angel! Will I throw myself in the river? Or shall I go back home?

angelclare@talbothaysdairy.com to tessdurbeyfield@talbothaysdairy.com, December 25, 1891 10:47 a.m.

tessdurbeyfield@talbothaysdairy.com to dairymancrick@talbothaysdairy.com, mrscrick@talbothaysdairy.com, izzhuett@talbothaysdairy.com, rettypriddle@talbothaysdairy.com, marian@talbothaysdairy.com, December 25, 1891 12:19 p.m.
The wedding is off. How could I haí been so stupid?

5. Rebecca

Rebecca@manderly.com to mdw@manderly.com, June 23, 1938 12:17 p.m.
Darling, while youíre in London, could you do me a favor and pick up my order at the dressmaker? Donít peekÖitís a surprise for the costume ball!

mdw@manderly.com to Rebecca@manderly.com, June 23, 1938 1:32 p.m.
I peeked and BTW I donít like surprises. Or secrets. What in the hell do you think youíre doing?

Rebecca@manderly.com to mdw@manderly.com, June 23, 1938 1:33 p.m.
Oh, donít you like it? From the portrait in the gallery? It was Mrs. Danverís ideaÖ

Rebecca@manderly.com to mdw@manderly.com, June 28, 1938 1:48 p.m.
Maxim? Iím sorry you donít like it. I wonít wear it.

mdw@manderly.com to Rebecca@manderly.com, June 29, 1938 4:17 a.m.
I oughnít have barked at you. This isnít your fault.

Rebecca@manderly.com to mdw@manderly.com, June 29, 1938 4:18 a.m.
Oh, how I do <3 you! BTW, could you suggest to Mrs. D. that we update my email address? Itís all rather unpleasant to go on using this name.

mdw@manderly.com to danny@manderly.com, June 29, 1938 6:19 a.m.
Start packing, old girl. Youíre fired.

danny@manderly.com to mdw@manderly.com, June 29, 1938 8:23 a.m.

reflect - reinvent ....rayclaire@gmail.com... what i used to think... what i hear... what i see... where i'd like to be...

the black apple... the girl who... sarah brown... thunderpie... evany... jenny b harris... posie... claude le monde... artsy... fartsy... jeff... random person in texas... another rachel... smitten kitchen... more of me... still more of me... even more of me...and yet still more of me...more of me but not for free...

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