I am Joe�s lazy conscience 10.28.04

�Tyler gets me a job as a waiter, after that Tyler's pushing a gun in my mouth and saying, the first step to eternal life is you have to die.�

Yes, I suppose I�m feeling that small, sluggish Tyler Durden in me stirring and fixing for some kind of fighting stand against it all. It all? You know. The daily grind, the ho-hum, the taxman, the bureaucratic nightmarish quality life can take on when you get snarled in minutiae, tethered to your calendar, hobbled by empty commitment, and generally in too deep to see you�re just incredibly, sadly shallow. Oof. Well, round up the usual suspect: I�m thinking that money is the prob. here. It�s like H.L. Mencken�s �When someone says it�s not about money, it always is.� I want less financial obligation. I want to live somewhere on the cheap, where I�m not tempted to, as my friend P. likes to say, �go out and bleed money� most nights. But I've got fight clubfoot...I can only limp and stagger my way toward any kind of real change. Where's MY Tyler Durden?

See, I�m planning this trip for the new year, and it feels like the more I want to just fuck off and flee my little rat-racetrack for a little while, the more I become dependent on money. And shouldn�t it be the opposite? Or is that just the way things are. Thud. Another fender-bender between me and reality.