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This monkeyís gone 10.20.04

Today, the strangest thing happened. I turned down an offer to buy Pixies tix generously proffered by a pal of mine. I turned him down. Yeah, yeah, money is an issue. I just canít see myself shelling out the 100 bucks upfront for the tickets right now (even if Iíd recoup Ĺ of that down the road) and blah, blah, blah. You know what the worst is? I am just not that fucking jazzed over seeing The Pixies live. I donít know whatís wrong with me, but I felt not a twinge as I politely declined the tickets. I havenít been to a formal concert venue (with seats and all) for years and this is turning me off a little bit. Plus the Magnetic Fields are playing a scant 4 days before and Iíd like to blow my dough on Mr. Merritt, if you please. But these are excuses, flimsy flim flammy excuses. Like, the dog ate my Pixies tickets.

The truth is I just donít care.

Once, I saw New Order 4 times in one summer. Once, I cracked my lip open at a Bad Brains show in a church basement. Once, I drove from Baltimore to Massachussets and back in a 24 hour period to catch my favorite local band in B-more and The John Spencer B.E. in one weekend. Once, I got locked out of the smarmy youth hostel in Glasgow, Scotland for an entire night in order to see Motorhead. Once, I couldnít get through a weekend without catching a show. Once, I cried when I saw Bob Mould live. Once, I stood in line for 9 hours to see Lou Reed. Once, after I saw Jucifer, I swore Iíd make it a point to see bands that I was more than mildly into play live because it can change so much in the music and in you. Once, well ok a lot more than once, I kept seeing The Ramones because the tour kept getting billed as the last one ever. Anyone else, I'd have been po'd. Once, I was addicted to the Sportsmanís Lounge and getting misty-eyed to ďEast of the Sun, West of the Moon.Ē Just once, I wish I'd seen Uncle Tupelo live. Once, I craved the instantaneous connectivity live music offers. Once, I subsisted on that sweaty, spent, sated satisfaction that stayed with you for hours after. Once, I cared. Shoot.

reflect - reinvent ....rayclaire@gmail.com... what i used to think... what i hear... what i see... where i'd like to be...

the black apple... the girl who... sarah brown... thunderpie... evany... jenny b harris... posie... claude le monde... artsy... fartsy... jeff... random person in texas... another rachel... smitten kitchen... more of me... still more of me... even more of me...and yet still more of me...more of me but not for free...

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