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Oblogatory: 5.17.04

As much as Iíd like to present you with a concise, well-formed post, I cannot. Itís all muddled disarray over here and I canít do anything about it. My thoughts are soupy and days spent drinking vodka tonics in direct sunlight have done nothing to increase their clarity.

Yesterday at twilight, I was sitting outside in the Circle watching the old-school breakdancing crew that had set up shop on the sidewalk. Their physical prowess was impressive, their late-80ís dance mixes were pleasing to the ear, but still my thoughts drifted. At some point I realized that I had been enjoying such summer dusks in that very spot for probably Ĺ my life. For the first time in a very long time, this realization was not instantly followed by wailing thoughts of self-deprecating panic. There was no histrionic keening for some imagined future that I forgot to pursue. It felt just fine to be there. Lesson learned at the reunion: for me, lazy confusion beats out three kids and the station wagon with no regrets. Easy.

On Sunday, I forgot to smoke all day.

NYC in two weeks; Chicago in four; two visits from friends too long missed; Upstate NY and raging with the boys again in July. Summer.

Happy 50th, Brown v. Board of Education. It was never about the b/w ratio, but equal access to resources. Which remains elusive, but the ruling cannot be overlooked as a watershed opportunity for the promotion of civil rights in this country. And, 30 years later, it still defined my public high school experience. Strange.

Happy 1st, same-sex unions in Massachusetts. (I am SO sick of the wedding industry right about now, but thatís beside the point.)

And finally, I am forced to consider the sad fact that I didnít choose a career path that would allow for the collection of several honorary degrees. Is there anything absolutely more insulting to see these rewarded after you worked your ass down to the bone (coccyx?) getting your own? Jon Stewart says it better and funnier.

reflect - reinvent ....rayclaire@gmail.com... what i used to think... what i hear... what i see... where i'd like to be...

the black apple... the girl who... sarah brown... thunderpie... evany... jenny b harris... posie... claude le monde... artsy... fartsy... jeff... random person in texas... another rachel... smitten kitchen... more of me... still more of me... even more of me...and yet still more of me...more of me but not for free...

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