Lord of the Ring Dings 3.2.04

Every time I walk outside today, my body braces against an onslaught of frigid air. Which is totally unnecessary because it is so damn loverly out.

Sigh. This was to be the extent of my bloggerel today unless I drop some juicy morally depraved tidbits about the rest of my weekend (yay!), but I�m not so you shall all be satisfied by this IMPORTANT NEWS that is fit to print. Sunday night found me enjoying some home-cooking with leetle sister, her affianced, and several of her pals while moaning about how boring and stupid the Oscars were. Please�orange tan ladies and fat men in small shirts? Let�s all go to Atlantic City to get our fill of that nasty. Anyhoo, as Will and Jada P. Smith struggled to extract themselves from Joan River�s evil forcefield, we all remarked on how suspiciously happy a couple they were. All they do is coo and talk about knocking boots a whole lot. That don�t sell tabloids or movie tickets, am I right?

Well, just as we were wrapping on that slew of comments and gearing up to slarve all over Johnny Depp�s return to 21-Jump-Street-era hottitude, Sabs says, �Hey, I�m a lesbian and a lot of the gay community believes that Will and Jada are gay themselves.� No, she didn�t really say that. Because we all already KNOW she�s a lesbian and that�s why we were giving her a wide berth on the couch, letting her stretch out and paw through my leetle sister�s towering collection of Bride magazines. We all swiveled towards her with bated hetero breath, waiting to hear more. And she divulged. Apparently, it is no secret that these two are light in their loafers, a.k.a. gay as larks. �Noooo,� we all gleefully exclaimed. �Who else, who else?� We implored her to give up the goods on other faux couplings in Tinsletown, but she demurred, refusing to name more names.

The key is they must look blissfully happy as a couple, so now that Liza and David Gest have had their last catfight, I�m guessing Brad and Jen? Nah. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones? Grrrrr! Gimme some o'that...she's a beaut!