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Here Comes The Bribe

Mmnmm. That’s the sweet smell of success, sweet and low down, sweet and…sour. It’s finally happened, see? After all the years of yapping at my biiiig brother’s heels and the selfless idolatry of him, after the many moons of swatting at my leetle sister to go away and quit her selfless idolatry of me, at last I stand alone. Sniff. Yet, it is the middle child’s proverbial moment in the sun. Both of the sibs are now affianced and the wedding jitters are starting up in earnest among the immediate fam. My parents just returned from a trip to Chi-town to visit with my brother’s girl (with the highly unoriginal name) and meet her people. Among the many other juicy details that concern only those 4 other people in the entire world lucky enough to be my immediate kin, my pop had this to report: “And at dinner, you should’ve seen them put it away.” Giggling, I inquired as to their bevy of choice. Dad says, “Well, her father drinks gimlets.” Ohhh, of course he does. And, I trust their flight to Chicago-circa-1948 aboard Doctor Who’s little red phone box was not too cramped. Heee. Gimlets. I’ll be jiggered.

Anyway, so that’s all in the bag. A June wedding, etc. Very happy for them both. Very sad to hear that “Pachelbel’s Canon” is the bridal boogie of choice at this affair. What the hell is it with that piece of music? It’s a theme song for light bulbs, not the event that determines who will be lucky enough to wipe your drool in 60 years. Folks, the choices baroque music can offer are vast. Vast! There is no need to latch on to this one catchy tune and make it the nuptial chart topper of all time. I told leetle sister that no fucking way is she allowing that at her thing, and then she tells me to piss off, and I tell her, “I’ll be Bach, see if you can Handel it then.” Ah, Jebus. The laughs, I tell you, they cramp.

So, like I was saying, a few weeks ago, my sister had to go and hop on the old bridal train, which in our family makes the following stops: We’re So Happy For You, Why So Soon?, the quaint little ville of We’d Love To Help You Out, If You're Sure That’s What You Want, a suburb of Who Needs Flower Arrangements That Cost That Much?, bordering on the down and out badlands of Your Father And I Had A Reception In My Backyard, then the vast metropolis of But If Your Third Cousin Marie Isn’t Invited She’ll Hear About From Her Aunt Who Is And There Are Politics To This You Aren’t Aware Of, back out to the suburban tracts of If You Took Half Of This Money You Could Put A Down Payment On A New House, and towards the switching yards, the final stop, We Just Want You To Be Happy And Don’t Worry About Anything—We’ll Take Care Of It—The Flowers Are Lovely.

It’s been a wild ride so far for sister and beau. But this has been a magical time for me and my parents. True, most of their attention is focused on brother and sister, but when they want to unload, if they need to process emotionally, if they want to dish up snarky gossip about the prospective in-laws, I’m their gal! We’ve really been bonding over the last couple of weeks and I’m thinking it will only get better the closer we get to sister’s date in ‘05. And fair is fair. They’re dolling out the pretty pennies to their oldest and youngest to give them affairs to remember. I’m thinking if I can avoid the whole mess for a few more years, isn’t it more than fair to request the approximate amount of what my wedding would’ve cost to be handed over in cold, hard cash?

They owe it to me in more ways than one for their poorly spaced child-bearing practices. Out of all of us, I clocked in with twice as many “That’s not fair” whines than either the baby of the family or the bossy big one. My parents have had many years to mull over some of their sloppy, favoritist verdicts and reconsider many of their, oh yes, unfair decrees. But I can hear their response now, indeed, echoing in the halls of the family home from 20 years past, my middle-child’s lullaby: “Honey, life isn’t fair. That’s something you’ll have to learn for yourself. Your brother and sister are just helping you learn it faster.”

reflect - reinvent ....rayclaire@gmail.com... what i used to think... what i hear... what i see... where i'd like to be...

the black apple... the girl who... sarah brown... thunderpie... evany... jenny b harris... posie... claude le monde... artsy... fartsy... jeff... random person in texas... another rachel... smitten kitchen... more of me... still more of me... even more of me...and yet still more of me...more of me but not for free...

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