Today, MSN informed me of the 5 things women fear most. My response:

Dear Ms. McLeod:

Check yourself. Fear #4 is completely valid. You are not a real writer. You are contrived and ridiculous. The 80 seconds I devoted to your piece would have been better spent straddling the third rail, filing my knuckles, and downing a pitcher of lukewarm cheesewater. If you choose to publish this tripe, you most certainly will be exposed as an obnoxious travesty. Now, we all know.

Sincerely,

-R