No! Shut up! I just heard The Ramones headlining�a Verizon commercial? Can�t you capitalist meat-packers spy just one sacred cow among the herd? One is all I ask. Leave Joey alone. Riff Randall, your pizza topping for today: bitter, salty tears.

And another thing is that I have not been vigilant enough. I have allowed the derivative, paltry offerings of �new� bands to pass unheeded. Harmless, I thought to myself. The kids are alright. They deserve little more than that anyway. After all, imitation is the sincerest form of mindless stupidity.

The whole StrokesHivesInterpolTheYeahYeahYeah�s thing is harmless? Yah! Now, I�m pissed. Fuck with the future all you like, leave the past untouched. Show some respect! Let�s apply a little old-skool new math to that SHIT(t)Y(3) equation, shall we? And do you know what we get? All eyes on the board, kiddies�We have a big, fat, yawning ZERO. It�s yawning because it is b-o-r-e-d.

Now, as some of you know, I may have succumbed to these bands� charms now and again. I�m not immune. But so what that many of those skinny, swiveling hipster boys are shithot, and Karen O. is a sweet little shagsack herself? No more! And I am not straddling my high horse so tight that the blood flow to his brain is cut off. He's gonna buck me off because he knows! He knows that this is my cohort, that my own age bracket is behind the racket. Hear me then. Those that don�t learn from history are doomed to repeat it. This little blank gen-x has learned ours too well, so why, why, why are we repeating it?

Can�t the Donnas do the cell phone commercials? They do a fine Ramones.

As if! I said for you to shut up already.